As we approach the conclusion of this year, I invite you to reflect on the health of your relationships. Take a thoughtful examination of your connections within your immediate family, extended family, friends, coworkers, and church family. Are there strains or perhaps voids in any of these areas? Consider whether you’re fully invested, partially engaged, or completely detached in each relationship. Our interactions with others hold significance in the eyes of Jesus. Take a moment to compile a list of relationships that, if the year were to end today, might not align with the pleasing will of the Lord.

There isn’t a precise statistical measure for how often disagreements occur in a normal family each month, as it can vary widely based on factors such as family dynamics, communication styles, and individual personalities. Disagreements are a natural part of human interaction, and different families may experience them with varying frequencies.

However, research and surveys on family communication suggest that conflicts or disagreements can arise regularly in many households. Some studies indicate that families may encounter disagreements anywhere from a few times a week to a few times a month, depending on the specific issues, stressors, and communication patterns within the family.

It’s important to note that the quality of communication and how conflicts are resolved play a significant role in maintaining a healthy family environment. Open and respectful communication, active listening, and a willingness to seek resolution can contribute to a more harmonious family life.

Conflict often ignites with a spark—a disagreement or misunderstanding that, if not addressed, has the potential to swiftly escalate and spiral out of control.

If a normal family has regular disagreements, why would we be surprised that a church family will also face conflicts and misunderstandings that can challenge the bonds of unity among its members. 

One mechanism that some people employ to deal with conflict is emotional distancing.  Emotional distancing refers to a psychological and emotional coping mechanism in which an individual creates a certain level of separation or detachment from their own emotions or the emotions of others. This distancing can manifest in various ways and may be employed as a protective measure or a response to stress, trauma, or challenging interpersonal situations. Here are some key aspects of emotional distancing: 

1. Reduced Emotional Engagement: Individuals practicing emotional distancing may limit the depth of their emotional engagement in relationships or situations. This can involve suppressing emotions or maintaining a more superficial emotional connection. 

2. Avoidance of Vulnerability: Emotional distancing often involves avoiding situations or discussions that might make a person feel vulnerable. This could include steering clear of intimate conversations or topics that evoke strong emotions. 

3. Limited Expression of Feelings: People practicing emotional distancing may struggle to express their own feelings or empathize with the emotions of others. This might result in a perceived lack of emotional responsiveness. 

4. Creating a Protective Barrier: Emotional distancing can serve as a protective barrier against potential hurt, disappointment, or rejection. By keeping emotions at a distance, individuals may believe they are safeguarding themselves from emotional pain. 

5. Difficulty Connecting: Establishing deep, meaningful connections with others may become challenging for those employing emotional distancing. This can hinder the formation of close relationships and genuine emotional intimacy. 

6. Coping with Stress: In times of stress or difficulty, individuals may resort to emotional distancing as a way to manage overwhelming emotions. This temporary coping mechanism allows for a sense of control over one’s emotional responses. 

7. Impact on Mental Health: While emotional distancing can provide short-term relief from emotional discomfort, it may contribute to long-term mental health challenges, such as feelings of isolation, loneliness, or difficulty forming authentic connections. 

It’s essential to recognize that emotional distancing is a complex behavior influenced by various factors, including past experiences, personality traits, and coping mechanisms. Addressing emotional distancing often involves self-awareness, introspection, and, in some cases, seeking support from mental health professionals.

The experts advise that when we have broken relationships that addressing these issues openly is crucial for healing and maintaining a harmonious family, friendships and church family.  Let’s explore five biblical principles to effectively handle and prevent conflicts by seeking guidance from the Word of God to foster understanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

1. Seeking Wisdom in Prayer: James 1:5 reminds us that when conflicts arise, we should seek wisdom from God, the ultimate source of understanding. Through fervent prayer, individuals and the church community can gain insight and discernment to navigate through disagreements with godly wisdom.

2. Active Listening and Understanding: Proverbs 18:13 emphasizes the importance of listening before responding. In conflicts, actively listening to one another’s perspective’s fosters understanding and empathy. This principle encourages us to approach disagreements with patience, humility, and a genuine desire to comprehend the other person’s viewpoint.

3. Speaking the Truth in Love: Ephesians 4:15 advises speaking the truth but doing so in love. When addressing conflicts, Christians are encouraged to communicate honestly and openly, but with a spirit of love and compassion. This approach facilitates constructive dialogue and promotes a culture of openness.

4. Initiating Reconciliation: Matthew 5:23-24 (So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.) stresses the significance of reconciliation in the Christian community. Taking proactive steps toward reconciliation, such as apologizing and forgiving, can help resolve conflicts and restore broken relationships. This principle encourages humility and a commitment to biblical reconciliation.

5. Be A Peacemaker: Jesus, in Matthew 5:9, calls peacemakers blessed. We are encouraged to actively pursue peace and work toward reconciliation, acting as instruments of God’s peace. This principle reinforces the importance of fostering a culture of harmony within your family, friends and church community.

These biblical principles provide a foundation for handling and preventing conflicts in your relationships, guiding believers to approach disagreements with a Christ-centered mindset focused on understanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation.

If you discover that following these steps doesn’t lead to reconciliation within your relationships, consider taking additional measures. Seek help by discussing the issue with your pastor, ask a mature believer to mentor and guide you through the process, request pastoral counseling to dig deeper into why you can forgive and move forward, or pray for an open heart to forgive.

Handling conflicts is an essential aspect of fostering a community bound by love, understanding, and forgiveness. By applying biblical principles and seeking guidance from God’s Word, we not only address disagreements effectively but also prevent them from escalating. As followers of Christ, let us commit to maintaining unity, prioritizing reconciliation, and extending grace to one another, reflecting the love and peace that Christ has shown us. Through prayer, open communication, and a heart inclined to forgiveness, we can navigate conflicts with humility and ensure that our church remains a haven of God’s love.

I’m not suggesting an all-in approach to mending relationships that are abusive, whether mentally or physically. Seeking counseling may be necessary to learn how to navigate such relationships with healthy boundaries and cultivate forgiveness. Failing to address challenging relationships might result in adopting the same coping mechanisms for all relationships.

Let’s revisit the list you created earlier. As the year draws to a close, you have the option to conclude with the names on your list, harboring no intention to mend the broken relationships and/or perpetuate emotional distancing into 2024. Alternatively, you can opt to initiate the process of transforming those relationships, endeavoring to make them pleasing to God. The choice is yours as you navigate the path of reconciliation and renewal in the coming year.