Let’s explore a common struggle we all face at times: the temptation to brood and ignore our loved ones. We can find guidance and wisdom in the Scriptures and through the examples set by our faithful ancestors in the faith.

While I was babysitting my grandchildren a week ago my granddaughter was misbehaving in the car, on our way to a football game.

My son corrected her and she immediately crossed her arms and refused to look at or talk to anyone in the car, especially her father.  Now my son wants his kids to behave but he cannot bear it when his daughter is angry with him. I think he may be a little wrapped around her finger.

Finally, after about 30 minutes of her not talking to or looking at any of us I asked her if she was pouting and ignoring her father.  She very proudly said., “Yes I am, because he made me mad.”

Brooding, pouting as children, is not an activity confined to children; it can manifest in various forms among adults. While adult versions may appear more sophisticated or subtle, the underlying patterns often resemble those we observe in children. Grownup brooding tends to exhibit itself in one of these 3 ways: 

Emotional Withdrawal – The “Take My Ball and Go Home” Approach

This approach entails emotional withdrawal, similar to “taking one’s ball and going home,” with the aim of shaming or manipulating others. Instead of openly addressing conflicts, those using this strategy withhold engagement, hoping to make others feel guilty or gain an advantage. This passive-aggressive behavior often strains relationships and fosters misunderstandings.

Emotional Withdrawal with Hidden Strikes – The “Mental Sniper” Approach

In this strategy, individuals withdraw emotionally while also launching subtle strikes that remain hidden. This behavior is akin to a “mental sniper” who operates discreetly. Rather than openly discussing their concerns, they resort to covert actions or words meant to harm or manipulate others indirectly. This approach can be especially damaging, often resulting in confusion and the worsening of relationships.

Emotional Distance: The Strategy of Physical Withdrawal

In this strategy the individuals attempt to withdraw physical contact as a means of conveying their emotional detachment. This withdrawal of physical affection or closeness serves as a non-verbal signal of their discontent or frustration within the relationship.

A verse that speaks directly to this issue: Ephesians 4:26-27 – “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” 

This passage reminds us that it’s natural to feel anger or frustrated at times, but it also warns us against letting these emotions linger and fester, for this can open a door the influence of the enemy in our lives.

In the parable of the Prodigal Son’s Brother (Luke 15:25-32), the older brother becomes angry and refuses to join the celebration when his prodigal brother returns home. His attitude reflects brooding and ignoring joyous occasion. Instead of reconciling and embracing his loved ones, he chooses bitterness. However, the father’s love and wisdom lead him to extend grace and forgiveness, encouraging reconciliation.  

Jacob and Esau’s reconciliation (Genesis 33) is a powerful example of overcoming grudges. After years of estrangement due to Jacob’s deception, they finally meet again. Jacob is understandably fearful, but Esau’s forgiveness and embrace show that it’s possible to let go of past grievances and rebuild relationships. 

Here are 4 practical steps to avoid brooding and hurting your relationship:

 1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your emotions. Are you brooding or ignoring someone you love? Acknowledge these feelings, but also pray for God’s guidance in handling them with grace.

 2. Communication: Initiate a conversation with the person involved. Share your feelings honestly but respectfully. James 1:19 reminds us, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” 

 3. Forgiveness: Remember the importance of forgiveness, as demonstrated by God’s forgiveness of us through Jesus Christ. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” 

 4. Reconciliation: Seek reconciliation and strive for peace. Romans 12:18 encourages us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Brooding and ignoring loved ones can damage relationships and hinder our walk with Christ.

Regular brooding behavior in a relationship can be a corrosive force, gradually eroding trust, intimacy, and open communication. When one or both partners frequently resort to brooding when a disagreement is not resolved, as a means of expressing discontent or frustration, it establishes a pattern of passive-aggressive behavior that makes it challenging to address issues openly and constructively going forward.

After a while it can lead to a troubling dynamic where the other person may react by adopting equally detrimental behaviors, such as ignoring or displaying indifference to being ignored. This negative cycle of passive-aggressive behaviors can escalate tensions and further damage the relationship. Both parties may become locked in a pattern where they feel justified in their responses, but these responses only serve to widen the emotional gap between them. The result is a growing divide, reduced empathy, and a deeper sense of frustration and disconnection within the relationship. Breaking free from this cycle often requires open communication, self-awareness, and a commitment to healthier patterns of conflict resolution.

As Christians, it’s important for us to recognize these patterns in our own lives and strive for healthier ways of handling conflicts and frustrations. The Bible encourages us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19) and to “love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22). 

These principles remind us of the importance of open communication, forgiveness, and love in our interactions with others. Let’s remember that God’s grace empowers us to overcome these destructive tendencies, and through prayer and self-reflection, we can seek to address conflicts and grievances in ways that align with His teachings and reflect His love in our relationships.