The desire to please others is a common trait, and many of us struggle with the tendency to be people pleasers. While seeking to be kind and considerate is commendable, an excessive need for approval and validation can lead to a draining and destructive cycle. Let’s take a look at what it means to be a people pleaser, how to avoid falling into this trap, and what guidance Scripture offers to find true freedom in Christ.

Identifying People Pleasers:

People pleasers are often driven by a deep fear of rejection and a strong desire for external validation. They tend to prioritize the opinions of others over their own well-being and may avoid expressing their true feelings or opinions to avoid conflict. In their pursuit of approval, they may compromise their values and boundaries, leading to emotional exhaustion and a loss of self-identity.

Avoiding the People-Pleasing Trap:

1. Know Your Worth: Understand that your value is not determined by others’ opinions of you. God created you with a purpose, and your identity lies in being a beloved child of God.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say “no” when necessary, without feeling guilty. It is essential to prioritize your well-being and mental health.

3. Seek God’s Approval: Place God’s opinion above that of others. Find validation in His unwavering love and acceptance.

4. Embrace Authenticity: Be true to yourself and others. Honest communication fosters genuine and meaningful relationships.

Scripture give us guidance about being a people pleaser:

1. Galatians 1:10 (NIV) – “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

2. Proverbs 29:25 (NIV) – “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

3. Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV) – “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

When I think of biblical examples of people pleasers I immediately think of Samson. (Judges 16): Samson, known for his incredible strength, fell victim to the allure of Delilah’s charm. Delilah, a Philistine woman, was approached by the rulers of her people to discover the secret of Samson’s strength so they could defeat him. She used her influence over Samson to coax him into revealing the source of his power, despite several attempts to deceive her.

Driven by his desire to please Delilah and blinded by his affection for her, Samson eventually divulged the truth that his strength lay in his uncut hair, which represented his dedication to God as a Nazirite. Delilah seized this opportunity and betrayed him to the Philistine rulers, who captured Samson, gouged out his eyes, and imprisoned him. In a final act of strength and faith, Samson prayed to God for one last burst of power to bring down the Philistine temple, killing himself and thousands of his enemies in the process.

The story of Samson and Delilah serves as a cautionary tale about the consequences of yielding to the desire to please someone who may not have our best interests at heart. It illustrates the danger of being blinded by emotions and compromising our values for the sake of seeking approval from others.

Other Biblical Examples of People Pleasers and Their Consequences:

1. King Saul (1 Samuel 15): Saul’s desire to please the people led him to disobey God’s clear command to destroy the Amalekites completely. As a result, God rejected Saul’s kingship, and he lost his anointing.

2. The Pharisees (Matthew 23): The Pharisees sought praise and admiration for their outward displays of righteousness but lacked true humility and love. Jesus rebuked them for their hypocrisy and warned them of their impending judgment.

3. Peter’s Denial (Matthew 26:69-75): Out of fear and a desire to please the crowd, Peter denied knowing Jesus three times. This incident caused great sorrow and regret for Peter, but he later found redemption through repentance and the Lord’s forgiveness.

The examples of Saul, the Pharisees, Peter, and Samson show us the destructive outcomes of people-pleasing. These individuals’ lives were marked by struggles, regret, and loss because they prioritized human approval over God’s will and guidance. As we navigate our own journeys, let us learn from their experiences and seek to find our identity and worth in Christ alone.

Instead of seeking validation from others, let us find fulfillment in knowing that we are loved and accepted by God, unconditionally. By embracing our authentic selves and living according to God’s Word, we can break free from the bondage of people-pleasing and experience true freedom in Christ. May we remember the wisdom found in Scripture, seek God’s approval above all else, and walk in the abundant life that He has prepared for us.